I have often wondered how I allowed myself to get in this deep. 

There was always another credit card or loan that was so easily accessable, I paid all my bills on time, never missed payments, earned good money and had great holidays abroad doing the things I love. 

You see, I am a bit of an adrenalin junkie!  I love jumping off mountains, floating high up in the sky, with nothing but the wind in my face and the absolute peace - a feeling of total contentment.  Scuba diving is another passion.  The beauty of the underwater world.  Brightly coloured fish, ever inquisitive and then gliding past you in such an unhurried way. Golf! Now there is a sport which can really challenge you!  You smash the hell out of a small white ball, hurl abuse at it when it fails to go the way in which you intended when you hit it, and then walk after it and hit the living daylights out of it again!

Now you may wonder where I am going with all this!  Straight onto the credit cards!  You see, all of these wonderful activities come with very heavy costs.  But who cared?  I certainly didn’t.  All it did at the end of the day was get me deeper and deeper into the pit of no return.  But I was having fun!  As I was the one with the money and wonderful credit cards, my partner at the time certainly enjoyed these wonderful holidays with the adrenalin rush and because I was (in my mind) so in love, I would have given anything.

After returning from my last holiday abroad in June last year, I knew deep inside that I had to do something. Peter was no longer able to fund Paul, Janet had no way of supporting John and Jack and Jill just legged it as did partner!  Taking out a further loan was out of the question as I had no means of paying it back and I would have ended up being in an extremely bad place.  I then decided that action had to be taken, saw all these wonderful TV Ads giving one the opportunity of “writing off” 95% of your debts. “This is for me!” I cried!!!!  Got in touch with an IVA company after trawling the internet, they assured me they could help and sent out all the relevant paperwork.  I was just so grateful and happy that there was a way out - I agreed to everything!  I think at this time I would have sold my Mother for the knowledge of knowing that I was on the road to being debt free!!!  After reading all the papers and proposals, I was horrified to find out that I had single handedly managed to rack up the astonishing amount of £106,000 of debt.

The real scary bit came when the IVA company told me to stop making payments to my creditors.  “I have never missed a payment and you are asking me to miss them now?”  I now understand why I had to do that.  At the end of August 2006, the first time I had made no minimum payments to my creditors, was quite a shock to my rather laid back persona!  You see, I had money in the bank!!! Bliss!  Joy!  Celebration! Very short lived I might add!  The reality of it all then really hit me.  I could do nothing but cry, I found myself in the blackest of black holes.  Within days, I was suicidal.  A chance telephone call on the Wednesday evening is probably what saved my life.  Down to the GP in the morning and booked off ill for one month which at the end turned into four months.  Day after day for those four months, I sat at home wallowing in my own self pity.  Drugged to the eyeballs to keep me on this here earth, to keep facing, on a daily basis, the mess I had got myself into.

September came around - Whoopee!!!!  IVA approved with modifications!  Hey, I accept the modification of 25p to 41p in the £!!  And then it hit me!  There actually is NO MONEY!!!! Nada! Nothing!  There is no Sky, No Pet Insurance, No Smoking, No Drinking, No going out for Dinner, No Movies, No Holidays and worst of all —- No-One to turn to! 

You may well wonder why I just didn’t declare myself bankrupt and be done with it.  I have a home which I poured my heart and soul into.  I spent a fortune renovating it and turning it into the home it is today.  I have three gorgeous animals who are closer to me than anything in  this world and I was not about to lose it all.  I have tried so hard to keep it all together, so much so, that I am now facing losing it all anyway.  I signed the IVA papers accepting their terms of equity release of £13,000 within the first year and an increase in payments after the first 12 months.  Interest rates have in the meantime rocketed to an all time high which means mortgage payments have gone up, loan payments have gone up and council tax has gone up.  I am desperately trying to survive on £175 per month for food and housekeeping - out of this I have to feed the animals and pay for their insurance.  Sure, the IVA company have allowed an extra £95 per month for me to buy clothes, pay for medical prescriptions, household maintenance and contingencies.  Admirable!  Only the mortgage has now gone from £1100 to £1350 per month - hardly seems likely the £95 will cover this!!!!!

So now it seems as though my IVA is going to fail as I just cannot maintain the payments to everyone.  What I thought was the Road to Recovery is turning into the Road to Hell!